


asra x f!apprentice :) “remembering the old days” [angst]

by waveaholic



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 12:11:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveaholic/pseuds/waveaholic
Summary: A one shot that I may eventually turn into a novel. This is just a glimpse into their relationship - how anxious the apprentice is, and how insecure they are about their identity and their tie to Asra. It’s pretty short...sorry about that :)





	asra x f!apprentice :) “remembering the old days” [angst]

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there :) I really love Asra from the Arcana, and wanted capture some of the struggles he’s gone through with the apprentice. I hope you enjoy this first glimpse into their relationship.

“Asra,” the name rolls smoothly off my tongue. It also feels weighty, as if it holds a significance I’m not aware of. 

A sigh automatically follows his name out of my mouth. Everything about him is a mystery, seemingly never to be figured out. I don’t understand the affectionate twinkle in his eyes when his gaze rests on my face, the hesitancy whenever we touch, the absences that plague our interactions. 

There is much he does not dare to say aloud, I suppose...but why? Why does he withhold information from me? Why does a half-bitter, half-amused smile grace his lips when I bother him with questions about the past?

My ears have become accustomed to him telling me that ‘it’s for the best’ that I do not know. Of course, being me, I used to never heed this wise warning, and suffered the consequences. Even after enduring the migraines, I still yearn for the memories that seem to be *just* out of reach; it is quite infuriating. Whenever the past brushes against my mind, pain radiates from my head and heart, so I have finally accepted his words of warning. I don’t seek out the memories...or, at least, I try not to.

I absentmindedly rest a delicate hand over my heart. “Where are you now? Some place as mysterious as you are? How I’d love to go with you someday…”

Moisture appears in my eyes, clouding my vision, but I don’t really know why.

I startle as something nudges my leg. I drop my gaze and hastily wipe away my tears to clear my vision - and a snake suddenly materializes right before my eyes.

A word is pushed into my mind. _Sad?_

Her concern pulls a tender smile from my lips. “Oh, Faust. I don’t know.”

She seems to understand. After an affectionate flick of her tongue, she slithers up my form to rest upon my shoulder. Faust wraps herself around my arm, squeezing gently. I hum in response to her comforting presence. An unspoken thanks lies somewhere between us. 

I sink into a plush sofa, exhaling softly as my tension melts. It’s peaceful for a while. I blissfully sigh, meditating slightly.

But all good things must come to an end.

“Faust?” I whisper after a few minutes. She cocks her head slightly, adorably human-like. “Will he come back?”

She dips her head into the crook of my neck as more pathetic tears fill my eyes. 

Doubt creeps into my voice. “What if he leaves me? I can’t do _anything_ by myself...I don’t even know myself. I don’t even know who he is. I don’t know anything.”

I struggle to find the exact words. “I’m just... lost.”

**Lost.**

An explosion of sensations invades my mind, bombarding me with snippets of the past. I hear my own voice, distant, murmuring the trigger word over and over again. Breathy laughter - a man’s laughter - washes over me, pleasantly familiar. The back of my eyes burn as they’re inundated with flashes of hazy smiles, exotic sunsets, foreign terrain. Phantom touches playfully drag across my arms, my forehead, my lips. 

I don’t mean to, I don’t want to, but I subconsciously push further into the memory.

**”Are we lost? I think we’re lost.” My voice worriedly admits.**

**A chuckle from my male companion brings a sheepish smile to my lips. Out of habit, his fingers brush through his unruly locks, taming them slightly.**

**His sparkling eyes graze mine. “How can we be lost? This is your realm. What, do you need to draw a map? (Y/N) the Powerful, the most accomplished witch of our time, needs a map to navigate her own land.”**

**This pulls a giggle out of me, but I still look puzzled.**

**“Oh, (Y/N),” he chides softly. “When will you learn?”**

**I drink in his scent as he pulls me to his chest. My lips turn up in an amused smile. “Hey, don’t blame me! I didn’t ask you to love me.”**

**We stay there for a few fulfilling moments.**

**“Look! The sunset...” I ogle at the dying sun as it envelopes us in a brilliant citrine light.**

**He lifts his head, and his hair tickles my face in the process. “It’s not as beautiful as you.”**

**My heart beats rapidly. I send him an endearing smile. “Asra, how cheesy can you get?”**

I’m sprawled out on the floor and I’m screaming my head off. My throat feels raw; I don’t know how long I’ve been projecting my misery. But, far worse, is the pulsing in my head. It’s as though a sledgehammer is being driven into my brain. My hands desperately pull at my hair, trying to relieve the pain, trying to distract myself from the unrelenting aching, trying to banish the scene that played in my head.

I force myself to sit up, with great effort. My fists latch onto the nearest object - a beautifully crafted hand-blown glass - but it combusts in my hands before I even have a chance to throw it. 

Dazzling shards fall haphazardly into my lap, escaping from my hands before I can even react. I examine my stinging hands. They’re shaking violently, and are damp with beads of bright red liquid - blood. I scream again. I scream his name.

But he’s not here. _Oh, when will I learn?_

Panicked sobs echo through the shop. “I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! Faust, l-let go...” 

But Faust isn’t wound around my neck. She’s winding around my waist, pressing into my stomach. But my breaths still come in rapid gasps. 

Rage suddenly overtakes me. “Make it stop, make it stop! That wasn’t real...not real.”

It’s a lie. It must be a lie. My mind is lying to me.

But the more I deny it, the more black spots appear in my blurry vision. What’s going on? What was that? Asra and I...lovers? I had control of magic? I travelled with Asra? 

I double over, suppressing the urge to vomit. The sight of my own blood normally makes me woozy, but not to this extent. My confusion enhances the effects; my head is spinning from the overwhelming information.

I claw desperately at my face. Darkness creeps into the corners of my vision, and a new panic floods over me. “No! I don’t want to forget...Asra...I have to...”

But it advances as white spots dance in front of my eyes; I breathe deeply and suppress the urge to delve back into my memories. I cease thinking about my flashback. Faust tightens around me, hissing lowly in an effort to bring me back to the present. Even so, the blackness isn’t halting.

“No escape...” I murmur.

Everything is fading fast, but I’m holding on desperately. I could easily let this go. I could just let the memory slip like I always do. But it’s about him and I. How could I let that get away?

Faust tightens around me yet again, but she’s impossibly warm. And impossibly calling out my name in open air.

“A-Asra...?” I choke out.

There’s murmuring - a steady rhythm to the words; an incantation. His magic surrounds me, and the black in my eyes is slowly replaced with his cool toned aura. My vision is focusing, stabilizing. I gasp when his amethyst eyes come into view.

“You’re okay. I’m here,” Asra says in a soft tone. “I’m here.”

I burst into tears and throw myself fully into his arms. My hands stain his clothes a horrid red, and my tears wet his chest, but neither of us notice. He murmurs reassuring words and rubs comforting circles on my back.

“I’m sorry.”

“(Y/N)...” Asra trails off. “Why?”

“Because I can’t live without you.”

“That’s not true, (Y/N). You are so capable, so strong…You’ve been through a lot, but you’re still here.” 

I shake my head. “No, I _used_ to be powerful. You said so. (Y/N) the Powerful. And you...you used to love me.”

I know I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Asra’s eyes are wide with shock, mouth ajar. And my head is exploding again. I whimper as the pain rushes over me.

“Deep breaths. Just focus on the present.” Asra says shakily as he begins to massage my temples. Am I imagining the tremor in his voice?

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I hurt you.”

I lean into his comforting touch, continuing to whisper apology after apology. I’m blubbering like the idiot I am; I started this, when I could have not said anything. Instead, I managed to strike a chord within Asra - an unpleasant one, at that. A painful one. Pain. My head hurts. My heart aches. My vision is darkening again. Asra is giving me instructions, but I can’t follow them. He’s worried. He’s shaking me. I’m not moving. 

And, to my own dismay, I give up. The memory slips from my grasp as I black out completely.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Tips are always appreciated; don’t be afraid to leave a comment.


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